Learning Experiences
by AstroGirl
Summary: After 'Eat Me,' Aeryn and Jool share a moment.


**Learning Experiences**  
**by AstroGirl**

For a while afterward, she was fine. There were scientific tests to do: DNA comparisons, blood analysis, cell-structure comparisons. Pointless, of course, and it wasn't like anyone appreciated it anyway, but it was careful work, and, given the inadequate equipment on Moya, something of a challenge. It had kept her brain distracted and busy.

Only later, when she sat down alone in the galley with a plate of fruit, did the reaction finally hit her, and she began to shake.

It was as if she were living it all over again, every detail. The feel of the pulse rifle pressed against her chin, her finger tightening on the trigger. The wild beating of her heart inside her chest. The horrifying, vivid thoughts of what it would feel like to take a pulse blast through the brain, what it would feel like to be eaten alive. The fear. The failure.

Hot tears pricked at her eyes, and her breath choked on a sob. And, of course, _that_ was when she heard the footsteps of someone entering the galley. She scrunched her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. She didn't need anyone to see her like this. Not again.

The footsteps paused. "Jool?" It was Aeryn, her voice low and soft. "Is something the matter?"

"No. No, I'm fine." Her voice broke on the words.

Aeryn was silent for a long moment. "All right, then. Fine." Her footsteps turned, began to recede. Jool's eyes flew open.

"Aeryn." She spoke without knowing she was going to. "How do you do it?"

Aeryn stopped again, then slowly walked into Jool's field of view and sat down across from her at the table. "How do I do what?"

"You're a... a soldier." _A vicious, violent animal_, whispered the voice of some half-remembered professor in her ear. "You... You're used to fighting. To people trying to kill you. I don't... I don't understand how you do it. How you deal with it, without being paralyzed."

Aeryn shrugged. "It's what I was trained to do."

Jool took a deep breath. "_I_ was trained to be rational. Superior. To use my mind. But over on that, that twisted pustule of a Leviathan, I panicked. I lost it. I... I was going to shoot myself, so they wouldn't kill me." The pitiful cracking in her voice brought tears back to her eyes again, and she desperately tried to will them away.

"There's nothing dishonorable in taking your own life to prevent an enemy from claiming a kill."

Jool gave a short, humorless laugh. "That's nice of you to say, really. In a horrible, frelled-up sort of way. But it wasn't honor. It was fear. Incompetence, and fear." She closed her eyes again for a moment and swallowed.

Aeryn looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, then reached out and took one of the tiny barlda-fruits from the plate, rolling it back and forth between her fingers. "Can I tell you a story?"

"A story?" Aeryn hardly seemed the story-telling type.

"Mmm-hmm." She popped the barlda-fruit into her mouth and chewed. "When I'd been on Moya only a short while, I was given a scientific problem to solve. It was very important. Lives were depending on me. Well," she took another fruit and smiled. "All right, Rygel's life, so maybe it wasn't all _that_ important."

Despite herself, Jool smiled.

"And I'll tell you a secret, something I haven't admitted to most of the others. I was _terrified_. I wasn't trained for science work. Peacekeeper soldiers look down on that kind of thing, you know. Tech work is for techs. Pilots learn how to maintain ships, and everyone learns how to field-service equipment, but _science_?" She shook her head. "Why would I learn that? It was beneath me! Techs are techs because they haven't the mivonks to be soldiers. Who wants or needs to be like them? That's how _I_ was trained."

"I... think I understand the attitude." Jool drew in a breath. "So, what happened?"

"I solved the problem." The look on Aeryn's face was full of quiet pride. "I used my brain. I approached it logically, step by step. I applied what I knew, and experimented with what I didn't. I saved Rygel's life. And, indirectly, I helped free an entire race of people." She paused and looked Jool meaningfully in the eyes. "We're not limited by our training, and we're only limited by our fear if we allow ourselves to be." She pushed the plate of fruit back towards Jool. "If a soldier like me can learn not to be paralyzed by a science problem, I don't see why smart person like you can't learn how to deal with being shot at. There's a lot less to it, really."

Jool searched Aeryn's face, looking for signs of mockery. There were none, just quiet, no-nonsense sympathy. "Thank you," she whispered, tears of a slightly different sort threatening to come again. "Just... thank you."

Aeryn stood and shrugged. "Thanks for the fruit. I'd better go and check on... them."

Jool wiped her tears as Aeryn left, and felt a little less alone.


End file.
